METHODS OF
MANAGING OUR CHILDREN
Have you ever wished that your children would more readily
learn the lessons you have to teach them?
1. Children learn more readily if they gain happiness from an experience.
There are certain things that give a child pleasure, such as swinging on a swing,
riding a bicycle, reading a story, or sliding down the rocks. Because they
receive pleasure from these activities, children like to do these things over
and over again. Strange as it may seem, children may also derive real pleasure
from working. When they find pleasure in doing certain tasks, they will want to
help us again at some future time. Each time they work for us happily, the
habit of helpfulness has been strengthened. Even our little three-years –old
boy will gain real pleasure from doing something for us, especially if we smile
and say, “Thank you, Baby”. We may ask him to fetch the shoes from under the
bed, or a pot from the kitchen table. We can think of many things Baby will
enjoy doing for us. Ask him pleasantly to do it; then say a happy “Thank you”
afterward. In this way, he is not only learning how to do things, but he is
gaining happiness from the experience. Thus he learns more readily. This
feeling of happiness is also what helps adult to work hard. Suppose the wife
has cooked a very delicious meal for husband. If he thanks her kindly for it,
she will feel like doing it again. Just so with our children. The more time
they can feel happy and satisfied with what they have done for us, the better
they are learning to work. They may not have done it as well as we would, but
they should receive real praise for having done their best.
2. Another helpful “learning” method is imitation. When mother
is digging in the garden, Baby will pick up a stick and try to use it as his
mother uses the hoe. He is imitating her. The little two-years –old one will
put on Father’s shoes and walk in them, because he has seen Father wear them.
He is imitating him. The six-year-old girl wants to cook the porridge just like
Mother cooks it, for she has seen her standing over the pot stirring the
porridge many times, and she wishes to do it just like that. She wants to
imitate Mother. If Father and Mother do things the right way, the children will
learn by imitating them in the very same way. They imitating the way we talk
and they use the words we use. They listen as we talk to our neighbor, and
remember whether it is kind, friendly talk, or quarrelling and criticizing.
They will imitate us one day when they get into a dispute with their
playmates! If they hear us tell a lie,
they will imitate us when they feel the need. If we often lose our temper and
become angry, they will imitate this passion of ours. We can be thankful, as
parents, that children are also as ready to imitate the good things that we do.
If we always try to show love to one another in the home, our children will
gradually grow to show that same loving spirit. The children who have often
seen Mother and Father reading their Bible and praying will learn to do the
same thing. Then too, if the parent are clean, wash often and wear clean
clothes, the children will want to be neat and fresh also.
3. Another “learning” method is experience. A baby learns
that fire is hot, because he has burned himself. He has learned that sugar is
sweet, because he tested it. A father and his son once went out to plant some
maize in the field. Father gave his small son a little tin of grain, while he
carried the large part of the grain in a basket. He showed the little boy how
deep to plant the seeds and how many seeds he must place in each hole. Then the
father let him plant his own row of maize. Although the father tries to help
the little boy, he knew that many of the seeds that were planted would not
sprout. Nevertheless he realized that it was good for the little boy to learn
by experience, or by doing. Of course, the child was very much disappointed
when he saw that all his father’s seeds had sprouted and that only a few of his
own had come up. But Father explained carefully that because the seeds were
planted too deeply, they could not sprout. This boy learned a valuable lesson
through experience. Our little girl may want to help us weed the garden. We
feel like saying, “No, you cannot help me, because you will pull up some of the
grain with the weeds” But she will learn by experience. The time to let her do
it is when she wants to learn. So we will say instead:”Yes, dear, you help
Mother weed the garden.” We will stay very close together, and watch her and
help her to pull only the weeds. We wil not be impatient because it takes us a
longer time to finish our work. This is the best way to teach our little girl;
this is the way she will learn the quickest! Of course, she may pull up some of
the grain, but we dare not be cross: she is learning by experience. Sometimes
parents refuse to let their little children help them because it seems a bother
to teach them. But is not this the proper time for them to learn? If we wait
until they are older, they will not want to help, and will not learn so
quickly. All the household tasks of making beds, washing clothes, cooking, gathering
wood, drawing water, are tasks that our children can attempt to do while they
are young, and thus learn through experience. They will not do them as well as
we can, and we may have to eat some poorly-cooked porridge for a meal or two;
but never mind. Praise their efforts, and perhaps give them a little extra help
the next time they make an attempt.
4. Another “learning” method is answering the questions children ask.
Parent will say to children, “Keep quiet and run away and play. I’m busy now!
But children’s questions are important. Some of the questions children ask are:
Where do baby come from? How do birds build their nests? What is the rainbow
for? All of these questions we can learn to answer properly. Most of them can
lead the child to think of eternal reality. We must be ready to listen to the
child as he speaks to us. Then he will feel like asking questions. If you take
time to listen to and to answer your children’s questions, they will learn to
enjoy talking to Father and Mother. They will come to you bringing not only
their questions but their troubles and their joys. Their trust in you will give
a good opportunity of teaching them about the love of God, the things of
nature, and how people should think and act. As our children grow into
adolescence they will need our guidance. If in years gone by we have gained
their confidence through friendly association and pleasant conversation, we may
be of valuable help to them during this difficult period. On the other hands,
if we have never taken time to answer their questions and explain to them
things they did not understand when they were little, they will not then be
ready to accept our counsel.
