METHODS OF MANAGING OUR
CHILDREN(Part 2).
5. Another “learning” method is that of suggestion. A child
will often follow a suggestion of ours when he will not obey a command.
Perhaps our little three-year-old daughter is digging up our potatoes, and we shout at her, “If you dig one more potato out of my garden, I will come and spank you. You are a naughty child”. If the child is of a mischievous nature, she may deliberately start digging out more potatoes. But if we say, “Come to Mother with potatoes, Baby, You have dug enough now”, She is much more likely to come and to stop any more digging. Do you see what has been done? Through a suggestion, we have helped her to do what we wished her to do. Or, maybe there is just one cob of freshly-roasted maize, and both of the little ones want it. Mother may say to them, “Now you must not be selfish. Break it in half immediately and give a piece to you sister , or I shall smack you” The better way of handling the situation is through a suggestion: “It will be fun if each of you has a piece to enjoy. Let mother break it in half for you.” Will they not accept this decision happily?
The power of suggestion can also work evil. When one tells a child he is naughty, As often as we can truthfully say it, let us tell him that he is a good boy. This very praise will spur him on to try even more to obey our wishes. But when we find we must reprove a child for his errors, let us help him to see that although we hate the evil he has done, we still love him. If, in all our corrections, we can still allow the child to keep his self-respect, to feel that he is still loved in spite of his sin, then we are giving him the incentive which he needs to try harder to do good next time.
If, at any time, by what we say as to how naught he is, we have made him “lose face” as it were, he will have a harder struggle to regain confidence in himself. When we suggest that he is a good child, we help him to gain a victory in his life. But when we correct him too severely, and he feels that he is so naughty we don’t love him any more, then we have done him harm. He is too little to discern between our dislike of the acts which he performs, and what he supposes is our dislike of himself.
Perhaps our little three-year-old daughter is digging up our potatoes, and we shout at her, “If you dig one more potato out of my garden, I will come and spank you. You are a naughty child”. If the child is of a mischievous nature, she may deliberately start digging out more potatoes. But if we say, “Come to Mother with potatoes, Baby, You have dug enough now”, She is much more likely to come and to stop any more digging. Do you see what has been done? Through a suggestion, we have helped her to do what we wished her to do. Or, maybe there is just one cob of freshly-roasted maize, and both of the little ones want it. Mother may say to them, “Now you must not be selfish. Break it in half immediately and give a piece to you sister , or I shall smack you” The better way of handling the situation is through a suggestion: “It will be fun if each of you has a piece to enjoy. Let mother break it in half for you.” Will they not accept this decision happily?
The power of suggestion can also work evil. When one tells a child he is naughty, As often as we can truthfully say it, let us tell him that he is a good boy. This very praise will spur him on to try even more to obey our wishes. But when we find we must reprove a child for his errors, let us help him to see that although we hate the evil he has done, we still love him. If, in all our corrections, we can still allow the child to keep his self-respect, to feel that he is still loved in spite of his sin, then we are giving him the incentive which he needs to try harder to do good next time.
If, at any time, by what we say as to how naught he is, we have made him “lose face” as it were, he will have a harder struggle to regain confidence in himself. When we suggest that he is a good child, we help him to gain a victory in his life. But when we correct him too severely, and he feels that he is so naughty we don’t love him any more, then we have done him harm. He is too little to discern between our dislike of the acts which he performs, and what he supposes is our dislike of himself.
6. We have still to mention the most
important tool in building the child’s character: the help that GOD give us
every day. Do we know where to get help in training our children? Sometimes our children will be rebellious
deceitful, or disrespectful. Often they will be disobedient. How we handle
these situations depends on how much help we seek from God.
Choose some place that you can set aside for secret prayer to God. Go to this place once, twice, even many times during the day. Try to go there when no one is about, and pray aloud to God. It will seem more real to you if you speak aloud. Ask him to give you the wisdom you need. Ask him to show you the way to manage your little ones. Think of Jesus as ready to offer your prayer to the Father in more beautiful languages than you can use. When you have trouble with the children, God will help you to know what to do.
Even more important than going to this sacred place of prayer when we are in trouble is the habit of praying every day before trouble develops. The enemy is happy when we miss our prayer seasons. He knows that if we do not often pray, we may be impatient with our children perhaps may be unfair to them, or get angry with them. If we ask the Lord earnestly to give us a desire to pray and seek regular times for praying, we will be surprise how we will really enjoy going into the “secret place of the Most High.” A wise mother has said: “Parents, humble your hearts before God. Begin a thorough work with your children. Plead with the Lord to forgive your disregard of his word in neglecting to train your children in the way they should go. Ask for light and guidance, for a tender conscience, and for clear discernment that you may see your mistakes and failures. God will hear such prayers from a humble and contrite heart.” (“Child Guidance,” p.557)
Choose some place that you can set aside for secret prayer to God. Go to this place once, twice, even many times during the day. Try to go there when no one is about, and pray aloud to God. It will seem more real to you if you speak aloud. Ask him to give you the wisdom you need. Ask him to show you the way to manage your little ones. Think of Jesus as ready to offer your prayer to the Father in more beautiful languages than you can use. When you have trouble with the children, God will help you to know what to do.
Even more important than going to this sacred place of prayer when we are in trouble is the habit of praying every day before trouble develops. The enemy is happy when we miss our prayer seasons. He knows that if we do not often pray, we may be impatient with our children perhaps may be unfair to them, or get angry with them. If we ask the Lord earnestly to give us a desire to pray and seek regular times for praying, we will be surprise how we will really enjoy going into the “secret place of the Most High.” A wise mother has said: “Parents, humble your hearts before God. Begin a thorough work with your children. Plead with the Lord to forgive your disregard of his word in neglecting to train your children in the way they should go. Ask for light and guidance, for a tender conscience, and for clear discernment that you may see your mistakes and failures. God will hear such prayers from a humble and contrite heart.” (“Child Guidance,” p.557)
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