TRAINING FOR TRUTH AND HONESTY.

TRAINING FOR TRUTH AND HONESTY.

THE BEST way to teach our children the meaning of honesty is to be honest ourselves.

                Do we cheat? One year the peanut harvest was very poor. Instead of reaping the expected twenty baskets of peanuts, a certain family harvested only ten. As the filled baskets were brought to the storage bin, the mother thought, “Oh, I will just not tithe this crop! There is not even enough with the ten baskets. Next year I will give double tithe, for I shall harvest better then”. So into the bin she emptied the ten baskets of peanuts, never giving the matter another thought. The little children had counted the baskets and they knew that one belonged to God, but because of their mother’s attitude, they felt that tithing was not so [important. This mother was cheating God. The result? She taught her children to do the same!

                A family was moving to another area, and just as they were ready to leave, the young son remarked, “Father, we bought a sack of maize meal from the shop and have not paid for it yet”. Shrugging his shoulders, the father replied, “Never mind. That man has more money than I do. Soon we shall be gone and he will not know where we are”. This lesson in dishonesty the son will never forget.

                Do we deceive? Perhaps your husband asked you not to buy clothes this month because the money was little. You did not plan to, but when you went to the shop you saw a dress selling for fifth dollars, so you bought it, saying to you older children, “Father told me not to spend money on clothes this month, so do not tell him I have bought this dress, will you?” or a father might tell his son that if he helps build the house this year, he will be given a ipad, yet you knowing all the time that there is no money for ipad. We must rid ourselves of any such habits before we can instill into the hearts of our children real honesty.

                Do we ever tell a lie? A father who had been asked by his wife to buy some sugar at the shop told her that the shop-keeper did not have any sugar, when the real reason was that he forgot about the errand. An honest man will own up to his mistakes, and not try to hide them. It may be that many times your children will not know of the lies you tell, but sooner or later they will catch you telling one.

                Are you honest with yourself? Do you act honestly because you enjoy feeling that way, or do you act honestly only if you know people will be watching you? Do you work well even though the “boss” is not looking? This is the kind of honesty that God expects of us as parents.We must be honest through and through before we can expect to teach honesty to our children.

                Begin early-children should respect the property of others. In the home there are many things belonging to many people. Father has his motorcycle or motorcar, Mother has her sewing machine, Big Brother has some books he brought from school. Even the tiny children have some precious belongings, perhaps a homemade lorry, or a doll. There are things belonging to the school, such as pencils and rubbers, or to the church such as hymnbooks. We must teach our little ones to understand that we do not play with or meddle with or use other people’s things without their permission. A toy that belongs to the neighbor child will immediately be returned. “Oh, that is David’s toy. You must return it.” To teach children to respect other people’s property is the first step in teaching them to be honest. A child who is allowed to take something without permission will soon feel that it belongs to him as much as to rightful owner. A child who is allowed to mistreat school books or take home school pencils, or to pull down the neighbour’s fence, is learning to have disrespect for other people’s property.

                We have understood that our children must respect their parent’s property, but have we ever thought that it is just as important for the parents to respect the property of the children, no matter how insignificant it may seem to the adult? The toys he has, the flowers he has picked, the berrier he found on a wild bush –all must be counted as valuable to the child and must be treated accordingly by the parents.

                Never let dishonesty go unreproved. Because little children begin to be dishonest in such minor things, we are tempted to ignore them, feeling that these first dishonesties are of little importance. This is where we make a mistake. We must guard so carefully and prayerfully the hearts of our small children that the roots of dishonesty do not even begin to grow within. It is well to remember that it is more natural for our little ones to be dishonest than it is for them to be honest!

                The beginning dishonesty of a child may be to hide away a vessel broken accidentally, to take forbidden food, to take toys from the neighbour’s yard, to tell a lie about some misbehavior. If we deal with these incidents in kindness, we may encourage the child to be honest about them. We may say to the child who hid the pieces of broken pot, “If you have an accident, John, do not be afraid to tell me about it. You cannot really hide anything from Jesus, you know, Just bravely come to me and tell me that you broke Mother’s pot, and though I shall feel badly about it, I shall feel happy that you were honest.”

                Instead of harshly scolding the child whom we found playing with a neighbour’s toy, we may say to him, “Take the plaything back to Kiyaka, Son. It belongs to him, not to you”. And see that he does it.

                Some day your child may bring you some nice fruit. Immediately you ponder as to where he got it. Though you may suspect that he he stole it from the neighbour’s yard, do not allow him to realize that you think this, but say to him, “That is nice fruit, Kiyaka. I did not know we had any ripe ones on our trees. Did someone give these to you?” Now if you have always dealt with your child in kindness and in patience, he will likely tell you where he got it. If he picked it off the neighbour’s  tree, you must go with him to return it. This is very necessary.

                If you definitely know that he did not get it from your own tree, and he says someone gave it to him, then you must ask this person whether  he really gave your son the fruit. Little boys often pick fruit from other people’s trees, and no one thinks much about it. But as Christian parents, you wish to teach your children honesty. These are very important happenings in the life of your child, and the way you handle them determines whether you strengthen within his character the habit of honesty or of dishonesty.

                Place no temptation before the children. Protecting our children from temptation rather than exposing them to it is the wiser way to strengthen their resistance toward temptation. Some inexperienced parents feel that children should be taught to resist the temptation of taking food that is within easy reach or in plain sight. For instance, Mother will set a dish of appetizing food on the table, saying,  “Now children, do not touch this, for we shall eat it when Father comes home tonight”. But the child’s willpower is too immature to resist such a temptation. Consequently, when he takes some of the delicious food, he is disobeying, and Mother has helped him do this, because she put temptation directly in this path.

                Parents must guard their money. They should not leave coins lying about the house, on the table, in the cupboard out of sight of the children. We must not give the children the impression that we are hiding things from them. On the contrary, we must always appear to trust them completely. They may even know where we keep the money, or where we have placed the food, but the temptation of talking it will not be presented before them.

                Teach the Bible truths concerning honesty. Some fine Bible verses that we as parents may teach our children will help mould and influence their thinking and behavior toward honesty:

                “Thou God, seest me.” Gen.  16:13. Explaining this little verse to the children helps to give them the desire to be always honest, not because Mother is watching or Teacher is looking, but because God sees.

                “Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord.” Proverbs 12:22

                “Without (the Holy City) are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.” Rev. 22:15,

                There are Bible stories that help to impress upon the minds of our children the importance of honest dealing in the sight of God. The story of Achan in Joshua 7, and of Ananias and Sapphira  in Acts 5, tell very vividly the punishment of God upon dishonest people.

                It will be helpful to inquire what are some of the reasons are:

                1.They want to avoid punishment. Did you ever hear of parents who teach their children to lie? A father comes home one evening to find what his little boy has broken the brake on his bicycle. Although he knows it must have been the son who did it, he comes with a heavy step to the son shouting angrily, “Did you ride my bicycle today?”  The boy trembling with fear will perhaps answer with one word, and that will be “No”. This father, through his severity, Is teaching the child to give a dishonest answer. Had the father come kindly to boy and said, “Son , the brake on my bicycle does not work. Even though I have asked you not to use my bicycle, I am afraid you have disobeyed me today, and that explains why the brake is broken. I am sorry that you have disobeyed my command”. As the boy feels the love in the father’s heart for him, inspite of his waywardness he will in all likelihood admit to the Father that he is wrong. In a quiet , understanding way his father is strengthening the habit of honesty in the character of his son.

                Or, a child has broken a water pot, and Mother says angrily and loudly to her, “Did you break this pot”? Likely she will answer tremblingly, “No, I did not”. God will hold Mother responsible for teaching her to lie. Anger has taught her to act thus. Mother and Father, let us pray God to give us more patience and tenderness in our dealings with our children!

                2.They are lazy. Our son may cultivate only those places which can be seen easily, or he may plant the maize carelessly just to finish his job quickly.

                He may reply to our question,  “Did you wash the clothes I gave you?” By saying, “Yes, I did”, when he has only dipped them in water. Instead of asking whether he has washed the clothes, look first to see whether they are clean, and if not, say without irritation, ”Son, you had better wash those clothes again. They are not clean”

                This is a time when you may talk to the children about how God sees us, and how pleased He is when we work honestly. The men who are dishonest in business are always caught sooner or later. Now is the time for children to learn the meaning of honest work. God will prosper them in their work.

                3.They desire praise. They may lie because they want your praise or your commendation. A child wants to please you, so he says, “Mother, I received the best grade today in Arithmetic class”, Even though in reality he received the lowest mark. Or the same boy may tell his playmates that he has a bicycle, when he has none. Sometimes a child will steal, because he wants the notoriety that it will bring to him. If you find a child of your behaving thus, you will know that he  needs special attention. Take more notice of his successes. Spend more time with him, enjoying a game or reading a story or taking an interest in his hobby. He may just be lonely for more of your love.

                4.They imagine falsehoods. Sometimes a little child will come to us with a story about having seen lions and leopards right in the maize field, or that he has been on a lone boat trip and seen so many things. These little imaginative stories we should listen to without much comment. Do not accuse the child of telling lies. Sometimes these imaginations are so vivid in the child’s mind that to him they seem like real experiences. If the parents make a remark like this, “That is interesting, Son, it is fun to play make-believe, isn’t it?”, it may be all that is needed to help the child realize that what he is telling is really not the truth.

                When we have succeeded in teaching our child to be thoroughly true and honest, we have gained a most wonderful achievement. There is a precious word in the Bible that will encourage us. David said to God, “Behold, Thou desirest truth in the inward parts”. Psalm 51:6. There is nothing that God desires more to see in us all than “truth in the inward parts”. Isn’t that wonderful assurance that He will help us as parents to know how to teach our children to be true?